Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
