Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
