There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
