Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
