I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
barbara walters just said penis...
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
She just used a chaser for red wine.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
