U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
