big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
