i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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