the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize