Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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