Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
