I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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