I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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