I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
