Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Randomize
