'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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