Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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