Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
