Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
