he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
