They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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