He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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