Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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