Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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