Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
