I wish I could teleport
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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