no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
