Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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