So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
