I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. đź’€
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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