I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
