he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
