shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
His hands were made for my vagina.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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