First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
