I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
