If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
why do cheetos always look like penises
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'm at about main and main street
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
