I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
