Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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