"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
