i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
