Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize