sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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