At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
