It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
