It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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