Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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