Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
