Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
