My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
