We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
so let's talk penis.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
