arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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