where am i from again
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
