I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
