I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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