Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
