Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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