he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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