So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
