He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
don't judge my taste in strippers
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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