I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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