Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
