a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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