Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize