just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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