why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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