the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
