If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
