Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
my liver is dry heaving
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
