The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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