oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
