You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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