Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
