There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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